


The Tattoo, or there are worst ways to go than being blasted out of the sky

by AQE



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Ben's got problems, Canon-Typical Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Creative Liberties taken with Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens history, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Non-Canon Swearing, Poe's got problems, Post-Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Their relationship is not what I'd call ideal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6796084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AQE/pseuds/AQE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben stared at the tattoo, surprised that the reach of the Dark Side had marked someone so whole and good. Like a secret former First Order commander helping to lead the Resistance.</p>
<p>And the dying words of the First Order pilot.</p>
<p>"Kylo Ren will return."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tattoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Misty_Endings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty_Endings/gifts).



> **STAR WARS OPENING CRAWL:**
> 
>  
> 
> _Jedi's Rey and Luke have changed Kylo Ren back to his original self, Ben Solo. And together with the help of Finn, Poe, General Leia and the Resistance, they managed to defeat Snoke and the Knights of Ren. Since the end of the battle, Finn conducts peaceful negotiations to reform former Stormtroopers, Rey and Luke put together another Jedi temple, and Poe and Ben help General Leia find and defeat remaining First Order settlements._
> 
>  
> 
> _But all is not well. Ben Solo dreads coming to terms with what he's done as Kylo Ren--something that few Resistance fighters know, and this puts a strain on his and Poe's developing relationship..._

– { ∴ } –

The steam pipe just above the ceiling of Poe's quarters started to churn. And Ben Solo woke up.

He untangled his legs from the sweaty sheets, and stretched, causing his joints to crack. The air was brisk, so Ben gingerly stepped forward and shut the window. The light from the outside watch light helped him find the separate pieces of his piloting suit, which had been left in scattered piles on the floor. Their size was a little too big, as if someone had selected the outfit without really knowing the proper fitting required by the tall man. But Ben didn't care. Really.

He dressed quickly and quietly and got up to slip out the door--

A pair of under-shorts hit him in the back of the head.

"Don't...go." was said breathlessly from the bed.

Ben looked back. Poe was precariously dangling half upside-down on the mattress as result from the throw. With a dramatic sigh, Ben grinned and tossed the shorts into the hamper. As he walked back to the bed, Poe sleepily moved upright, but Ben only bent down to kiss his ear.

"I have to go," Ben whispered, "I need to help Finn." Ben assisting Finn's mission was common knowledge. Just like how Finn likely wouldn't need any help for hours.

"Oh," Poe said softly, "but next time you'll stay?"

Ben never stayed. And Poe never asked. Unless he caught Ben leaving.

"Of course," Ben lied.

– { × } –

Poe Dameron loved danger. When the call for X-Wings came, he was already loading BB-8 into _Black One_.

The T-70 X-Wing tore out of lightspeed and entered into the melee of TIE-fighters assaulting a small group of transport barges trying to escape the planet Kasaqwan, and the _Millennium Falcon_ trying to protect them. Seated behind Poe, BB-8 whistled in alarm. After sounding off, the other X-Wings immediately got into attack formation, and began efficiently taking down the enemy ships near the front of the transports. Even though they were outnumbered.

"Poe!" Finn yelled over the intercom, "There are five TIE-fighters going to swoop down on the last ship. See if you--"

But Poe was already there, shooting down TIE-fighters in a cloud of explosions. Some of the barges, once in the clear, began to jumping to lightspeed. The last barge was lagging, and Poe rounded on it so see smoke coming from a hole where its external engine would be.

He tried hailing it, but received no response.

"Finn!" he shouted into the intercom, "It's been hit. I don't think it can get away."

"Then try to get it to land." This was Rey's voice. Finn must have taken over the firing station.

The planet below was cloudy, rocky and red; descent wouldn't be easy. However, given the state of the already-drooping vessel, it would land no matter what Poe did. Still, he could escort it and blast away any obstacles in its path.

As he circled the descending craft, most of the X-Wings and TIE-fighters had followed the barges in their jump to lightspeed.

"Poe," said Rey, "Finn and I have to make sure the others make it." The barges were full of former First Order operatives that Finn had been working with to change sides.

"I'll make sure they land." Poe said to assure her, as solemn as if he was preparing to get them down safely or die trying.

"There should be only a few First Order ships left on the planet," she said, "They will be distracted, but be careful."

"Got it. I'll keep an eye out for them." Poe answered, and had to dive into the planet's atmosphere. The falling barge was picking up speed now. Poe moved in front of it, as the _Millennium Falcon_ jumped to lightspeed.

Suddenly, BB-8 shouted out in alarm and sent Poe a massive amount of rapid messages. There were two-dozen TIE-fighters flying at them from the ground--approaching quicker now that they were flying downwards.

"Shit!" Poe shouted, and then moved in an evasive flight path. Not being able to hit him, the TIE's began firing on the barge. Poe swore again and then tried shooting down as many as he could. But trying to drive them away from the falling craft meant he couldn't out-manoeuvre as quickly as he--

_BOOM._

He was shot. BB-8 was screaming. He was going down--down--the ground approached rapidly. But Poe had always been prepared for this eventual outcome, hadn't he?

"I'll miss him," he said, thinking of--

And then he was slammed against his X-Wing's window. His side-accelerator controller breaking and getting stuck in his left shoulder. The world spun amidst the pain. But he was slowing down. He had been caught by a Force user. Had Rey come back?

And then _Black One_ lurched to the ground, crunching a few times in the dirt. He saw the outline of a tall figure clad in an ill-fitting flight suit. The man had both arms extended towards him and where the barge must be. And then, the Force master pivoted around to fling huge boulders at the source of the TIE-fighter's roars.

Explosions sounded overhead. One TIE-fighter even landed in the sand behind the figure. And then all was still. The man walked out onto the nose of Poe's fallen X-Wing, and lifted off the roof.

"You're hurt," Ben said. His face was that of concern.

"Hi," said Poe in a daze, "I thought you were still in Takodana."

Ben unlatched the safety belt, and gently began pulling Poe from the X-Wing.

"We...need to get the people in the barge..." Poe started, but then saw his injured arm, and the pain intensified. He was losing a lot of blood.

Ben paused and looked like he was considering something.

"Poe," he said, "Do you want me knock you--"

"Yes--Please!" Poe said through gritted teeth.

Ben did.

{ ∴ }

BB-8 chirped warily when Ben moved Poe's body to the grass that hadn't been burned up in the crash.

"He's alright," Ben said while not facing the droid, which was still locked in the downed ship.

Ben gently ripped off Poe's left arm sleeve. There was a large gash on his shoulder, and waves of blood dripping down his arm. Ben staunched the blood flow, and started delicately picking out the metal while trying to soak up some of the blood. It gushed over a series of small printed characters that Ben had never noticed before. He bent down to read the--

"Freeze!"

Ben turned slowly to face the barrel of a blaster, and its owner, a First Order pilot that he had not killed properly. She waved it in front of his face again.

"You are now a prisoner of the First Order," she said, and then pointed the gun at Poe, "Leave him." And Ben _lost_ it.

Using the Force, he knocked the blaster out of the way, and lifted the pilot in a choke hold. She struggled to free her neck.

"Ugh. The _new_...Force-user...." She strained out each word.

Ben compressed her neck more.

She whispered something, and Ben dropped her. Quite forcefully. When she hit the ground a second time, she was dead.

Ben slumped, breathing heavily, and stared at the dead pilot. Ben hadn't killed like that since--

He turned at the sudden sound of BB-8 chirping to get his attention. On seeing him though, the astromech seem to shrink down in its seat.

"Poe," he said, and went back to Poe's side. Poe was breathing, but still unconscious. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at the shapes sketched in Poe's arm, just under the wound. RS-2411. It said.

Ben stared, surprised that the reach of the Dark Side had marked someone so whole and good. Like a secret former First Order commander helping to lead the Resistance.

And the dying words of the pilot.

"Kylo Ren will return."

– { × } –

"To Iuno!" Commander Poe shouted, ending the speech he typically used with some slight variations of Iuno's character. Iuno was a new recruit, and he had never spoken to her. He used his right arm to raise the toast.

"Iuno!" the surrounding pilots repeated, and they drank. It was their third and final toast that evening. And as many went on to celebrate being alive, Poe went to find Ben.

He went passed the generals' table, the awkward groups of former First Order operatives, the oil reserves for BB-8 and the other droids, the spot where Rey and Finn would be if they hadn't gone out for the evening, and finally, found Ben alone, at the end of one of the food tables.

"What do you think you're doing?" Poe said.

Ben held the fork midway between his face and the tray, looked at the roasted Gava berry, and then stuffed it into his mouth, loudly chewed, and swallowed.

"Eating," he said, reaching for another.

"Avoiding other people, more like" Poe said. He grabbed Ben's hand and led them to the surrounding dignitaries and Resistance fighters gathered near the make-shift cantina.

"Poe," Ben said, "I--"

"Hey Poe! Where've you been?" Snap Wexley shouted over Ben, and Poe, seizing the opportunity, dragged Ben to his old friends Jessika, Karé and Snap.

"Didn't know you still wanted to hang out with us _normals_ ," Karé said. The large glass in her hand was empty.

"Oh come on, I still love you guys," Poe said, hitching up a smile and introducing them before Ben: "And this is Ben Solo, y'know. The Jedi who defeated Snoke in combat."

"Help defeat Snoke," Ben said quietly.

"Well, Commander Solo, it's an honour to finally meet you," Jessika said, extending a hand.

Ben stared at it with an indifferent expression until Jessika withdrew.

"I need another drink!" Karé shouted, and Jessika quickly added "Me too!" They wandered off in the direction of the food tables as Karé muttered "Poe's fuc--uddy" just loud enough to them all to hear.

"You were the one they found, right?" Snap said to Ben, as if Karé's comment hadn't been heard.

"Found?" said Ben.

"On that out-planet where Kylo Ren fled," Snap continued, "I always thought it was too much of a coincidence--"

Poe turned to Ben, ready to march them out of a potentially trying situation, but Ben looked bored.

"--that you got out of there without ever fighting Kylo Ren." Snap finished.

Ben paused, "Oh, well, I did defeat Kylo, with the help of Master Jedi's Luke and Rey, of course."

"Did they tell you that..." Snap's eyes turned excited, and he gripped his drink more tightly, "Kylo Ren is the one responsible for the death of your father?"

"Oh," Ben said. And Poe leaned on his arm.

The silence dragged on, so that even Snap looked like he regretted bringing up the subject. But then, Ben said, "I was aware, but Kylo Ren is gone now."

"Well, that's good to hear!" Snap pounded him on the arm, and then went to find less awkward company.

"I guess that didn't go as well as you hoped," Ben said when Snap was out of earshot.

Poe leaned into Ben, and stretched to kiss the corner of Ben's mouth. Ben kissed him back. Breaking apart, Ben smiled at him quickly, but then frowned.

"Poe, I really need to talk to you," he said.

{ ∴ }

Poe's face froze, and he muttered "Can't we talk later?" He moved to kiss Ben again. But Ben didn't lower his head, so Poe just buried his face in Ben's sternum.

"I saw the tattoo on your arm."

Poe drew back suddenly, and causally placed his free hand over where the tattoo would be. He looked around shiftily, and Ben felt the eyes of party goers.

"Let's go to the balcony," Ben said.

"Ok."

When they made it into the open air of the isolated balcony, Poe looked over the horizon and leaned against the ledge. He was still holding his arm where the tattoo would be. Ben spoke first.

"That tattoo means you were captured by the First Order."

Poe turned. He was frowning, and crossed his arms.

"Yes. But so were a lot of us back then. I don't see any reason to hide it. And at the time, they weren't known as the First Order."

"But you were captured. Tortured."

"Yes. Yes," Poe said, waving his hand as if that could dispel the heaviness in Ben's voice, "It wasn't the first time. It certainly wasn't the last."

"I know."

Ben looked at Poe. And then at the floor again.

"I was there."

"You were--you where there?" Poe's voice sounded incredulous, and he looked around carefully, making sure that they wouldn't be overheard, before uttering, "No--no _Kylo Ren_ definitely wasn't there."

"I wasn't on the team that did the branding, but...Snoke was often in communications."

"But you weren't one of the ones that captured--that killed my friends."

Ben looked back at him then. His expression like a man who has seen the end but is just waiting for the world to catch up.

"Poe," he said slowly, "if you imagine me, when I was Kylo Ren, as a rebel-sympathizer or someone who regretted their work in creating Starkiller base...all this time..."

"No, no, no--Ben!" 

"Then I assure you, I assure you, I was as much of the Dark Side as Snoke."

"No...Ben...Stop it." Poe said. His eyes were wide and glassy, and grabbed for Ben's hands. "You felt the Light--while you were Kylo Ren--you said it."

Ben yanked his hands away, and looked at the sky. "I did say it...But Finn must have forgotten to mention that I said it right before I killed my own father." He looked back at Poe.

Poe's face was full of such shock and horror, that Ben immediately regretted it. But it was easier than admitting how he feared the dying words of...Anyway. After a breath, he continued.

"And I'm not sure how we can continue this...illusion of a relationship!" Ben batted Poe's arms away from him, turned around, and quickly fled the balcony.

"Ben!" Poe called after him.


	2. The Dream

– { ∴ } –

That night, Ben dreamed of being Kylo Ren. 

In his dream, he accompanied Snoke to the temporary Imperial base on the Planet Tatooine. It was dirty and crowded, but Snoke favoured the cool and dimly lit chambers underground.

"You must go to the dwelling where Darth Vader was born," Snoke said, while pointing to the setting sun, "and embrace the past..." 

And then he was in that dusty marketplace. He was dressed out of place, his lightsaber visible, but instead of one of the Knights, an imperial officer led him to a barracks where captured Resistance pilots were held. Kylo found that he hated all of them.

"Rebel filth," the officer muttered before having her attending Stormtroopers round them up and stand against the barbed wall. Kylo watched in interest to see how futile Leia Organa had led them--some younger than him--to their imprisonment here. Some prisoners looked at the ground. But a few looked defiantly at him.

Like the one at the end of the line which looked like a subconscious rendering of Poe, the boy, so full of excitement, and the Poe Dameron, the man he knew. This one scowled at them both when they approached.

"The ones that can still fight, we're sending to Phasma's reconditioning center. The rest and those back in the holding cell will be executed. But if you ask me, some seem too pretty for the public decapitation," the officer said while gesturing at the Poe look-alike.

Ben acted indifferent. Like he had back then.

"I hear the Jedi's were forbidden to _fuck_." The officer whispered in his ear, "What about you?"

With one motion, Kylo Ren ignited his lightsaber and cut through the torso of the Poe-lookalike.

And then Ben woke up.

– { × } –

That next morning, Poe Dameron met up with Finn and Chewbacca in the hanger of the _Millennium Falcon_. They were sharing a cup of caf prepared with a few drops of flameout, while Chewie was explaining something about the ship.

"Finn!" Poe ran out to greet his friend. After the two embraced and sat down on the make-shift seats, he asked "How goes it, my friend?" Finn and Poe hadn't talked since saving the barges on Kasaqwan.

"Some good, some bad." Finn frowned as if the fact that not all Stormtroopers were as empathetic as him was a minor setback. "Before that group on Kasaqwan, we found another squadron in Jakku, and about half agreed to not follow the First Order. Many chose to stay! On Jakku!"

"Hmm...Jakku." said Poe, "Back then, when you joined to the Resistance and found Beebee-Ate and Rey."

"Huh? Well I already began questioning my allegiance to the First Order the night before I met Rey."

"Maybe you could just apply what happened to you to get more Stormtroopers to crossover?"

"Heh, I doubt that," said Finn sadly, "The turning point for me was seeing one of my friends, Slips, get gunned down in Tuanui. He wiped his blood on my face before he died."

Poe froze, Finn's words triggering something deep and disturbing in his memory, but Finn didn't notice.

"But it was good being back there," Finn continued, "Rey was scouting for Jedi's amidst the dunes, and she seemed happy to see me."

At this, Chewbacca snorted, and then made no attempt to hide his barking laughter.

"Ha ha ha." Poe laughed dramatically moving the subject along, while patting Finn on the back.

"Heh. Well, after Kasaqwan, she went back to Luke this morning, but we're meeting up again on Takodana at Maz's new castle." Takodana was where the Senate had chosen to relocate to after the destruction of Hosnian Prime.

"Aww...you two!"

Finn chuckled, obviously bemused. Then he paused, "What about you and Ben Solo?"

Poe frowned.

"So not well then," Finn said, looking downcast. But Poe felt comfortable talking with Finn about Ben. To a point. Finn approved of their relationship. Rey did not.

"He's been more aloof than usual."--but Ben had never avoided him before--"Since last night, he seemed preoccupied with something."--about his crimes as Kylo Ren--"I haven't been able to find him except at official meetings."--where they didn't talk to each other--"He saw this."--and had just shut Poe out. At the last statement, Poe raised up his shirt's sleeve revealing the letters on his arm.

Finn edged closer to see the tattoo, "Your First Order mark?" Finn had seen it before in the communal showers, which were well-lit. Finn had one too. "I wondered why you got one. So you were captured?"

"Captured, yeah," Poe said, "My parents were part of the Resistance even before I was born, so when I was 25, I was kidnapped with some other pilots and given this mark. I guess, if I hadn't escaped, I'd turn out just like you."

"I heard it was minor test to see if the First Order could boost its ranks with captured Resistance members." Finn looked like he was trying to remember the details. But at the time, he couldn't have been older than 13.

"So you mean--the others that couldn't escape, were brainwashed?"

"Not--Really. I heard that the test failed for the most part." Finn looked down, "Honestly, Poe, I'm sorry, and I wish I could say otherwise, but I don't think your friends would have survived."

"Oh." Poe said. His eyes hurt. "They were some of the bravest people I knew. If they were still here today..."

Poe was lifted in the air by Chewbacca who spoke encouragingly. Poe smiled and wiped his eyes, but righted himself before he turned back to Finn.

"Thank you for telling me, Finn."

The two settled down on the seats and took another swing of the drink. Poe wished it contained more flameout.

"How's Beebee-Ate been?"

– –

BB-8 chirped at two TIE-fighters that been tailing another X-Wing, and Poe shot them to smithereens. He shouted, "I've cleared your back, Rapier Two."

"Thanks Poe, but it's Jessika, not Karé. She re-stationed to New Hosnian Prime."

"Oh. Sorry Rapier Five."

"Are you doing alright, Black Leader?"

"Never better." Poe's confidence seemed forced, even to him.

From the stray blasts towards the First Order station, the shield still looked to be up. Ben's team hadn't reported on their status of disabling it and rescuing the political prisoners. So Poe and the other X-Wings could only continue acting as bait, avoid being shot by the deflective land cannons, and destroy any TIE-fighter that came their way.

Poe looked around for other TIE-fighters to shoot down. But most were being successfully handled by the other X-Wings. In fact, the number of TIE-fighters entering the fray was becoming less and less...

"Rapier Five, they know we're a ruse," Poe said into the comm.

"What?" Jessika answered.

"Tell the others. I'm going down."

"Poe, Wait! Shouldn't you call for back-up?"

"I don't have time for that!" Poe shouted, and turned his comm off. 

He flew into a descent behind the shield generator. Once landed in the swap, he climbed out of _Black One_ and gently lowered BB-8 to the ground. Ducking and weaving to not draw attention to himself, he discarded the bright orange flight suit--making sure to keep his personal blaster. There weren't many Stormtroopers stationed around, and Poe managed to quickly shoot them down. The lack of any real defence only made his heart sink more.

"See if you get through the door encryption," he told BB-8 as he scanned the forest for any incoming attackers.

BB-8 began cycling through the disabling combinations, and with a click, the door swung open. 

Poe charged in, and took out the officers stationed inside. BB-8 wheeled in after him, before plugging into a wall port. Poe eyed the screens that showed the shield being lowered. And heard the sound of the X-Wings beginning their attack on the newly-accessible First Order station. 

And then he was hit in the leg.

He dropped his blaster, and collapsed to the ground. He was kicked in the stomach and head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw BB-8 crouch in terror under the command desk.

"The Best Pilot in the Resistance?" And someone spat on him. "Is it true about you and that Force User though? Do you think he'll exchange your life to let us go?"

"We can't risk it. Leave him!" Someone else was shouting, "It's over." And his attackers fled.

As the sound of explosions and missiles continued echoing overhead, Poe lay there. Eventually BB-8 returned to his side, and he slowly got up, limping back to his ship. As he got in, his radio buzzed to life.

"Poe, are you there?"

"Yes, Jess! What's going on?"

"The prisoners are safe, and the First Order commanders here have surrendered."

Poe needed a moment for the information to sink in. 

"And Ben?" he asked.

He could hear Jess's sigh before she answered, "He's already back at base."

Poe tried not to feel disappointed.

– { ∴ } –

Ben decided to attend the small victory party later that evening. It, of course, had nothing to do with the fact that certain special person might still be injured and not able to attend. Of course.

However, at the party, Ben found himself subject to the attention of curious envoys and officials, who asked the same tiresome questions. Master Luke used to guide him through this, and Poe's soothing presence, although built on an illusion, helped.

He eventually made it to the lower dimly-lit walkway where some guests were adjusting their wardrobe mishaps and attempting to become sober. There was a quiet spot by an elegant fountain, and he watched the celebratory fireworks go off a distance away.

"Hey," said a familiar voice.

Ben didn't look up when a generally uninjured Poe sat down beside him.

After a pause, Poe said, "This place is nice."

"Yes." Ben answered impassively.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said. And...I made peace with what Kylo Ren did ages ago. That's not who you are today."

"What _I_ did." Ben said softly.

"So?" Poe reached to grab his hand, "You save more lives then what we could have done without you."

"I've killed billions, Poe. Nothing I can will undo that."

"Look, Ben," Poe moved closer, "I don't care that you were Kylo Ren."

As if that would make everything alright. Ben chuckled cruelly, "Do you think if your friends, the 'normal' people, knew who you were really fucking, that they'd even talk to you?"

"Ben..."

Ben took a breath, and stared into Poe's eyes.

"I've been living on borrowed time," he said, "I need to face punishment for my actions as Kylo Ren."

"Don't turn yourself in!" Poe exclaimed, "You could do much more good--to help us here!"

"And to what? You and me, just together, partnered rebel fighters for all of time?"

Poe looked at him. And then away?

"I just, I just...I want to be by your side...in what we can do to help the Resistance..." Poe's voice trailed off.

Help the Resistance? Like saving Poe on that forgotten planet. And then feeling the Dark Side when the First Order pilot had threatened Poe who--

Poe who was always putting himself in danger. Getting shot down from the sky by TIE-fighters, while trying to protect a doomed barge. No longer hanging around his other pilot friends as much. Flying down nearly-alone to turn off the shield generator. Being with a man who--

"You're not planning surviving this war, are you?" Ben said.

"What?"

"That's why you can be with me," Ben grabbed Poe's shoulders so that Poe was trapped to face him, "because I've got no future apart from helping this cause to make up for all the suffering I created."

"That's not true." But Poe was staring a little over Ben's shoulder. The light from the party reflected in his eyes. Even if Poe could admit it, Ben wouldn't want him to.

"But you should not be like that. Maybe it's me. Maybe...it's me. Maybe me being here--I'm a poison to your plans...You...This base."

"No Ben. Stop it! You're not making any sense."

"STOP! LYING!" Ben screamed at him then, and Poe threw him off. The party goers around were definitely looking at them now. When Ben stared at them, they avoided his gaze and moved to vacate the area.

Ben quickly stepped towards Poe, who took a step back--stopping Ben in his tracks. Ben scanned for a way--anyway--to escape. But then he felt Poe's arms reach around his waist. Ben did nothing as Poe rested his head on Ben's chest.

They stayed like that for a few moments, before Ben could take it no longer. He moved his hands up and tilted Poe's chin so that they were facing each other again.

"We can't live like this," Ben said.

"Ben...please don't--" Poe started, but Ben placed his hand over Poe's lips. He leaned over so that his mouth was at Poe's ear.

"Stay away from me. Please." And he released Poe's shoulders before turning and disappearing into the forest.

Poe didn't call after him.


	3. The Log

– { × } –

"Hey Poe," Snap said.

Poe looked up, surprised to see Snap, Jessika, and Iolo looking at him quite seriously. As a new party to their breakfast group, Poe expected his presence would be ignored.

"Uh-huh?"

"Do you know where Ben went off to?" Snap asked. His eyes brimming with curiosity.

Poe almost choked on his drink. After he wiped away the spilt caf from his chin, he sputtered, "W-What?"

"I saw him leave at the end of my morning shift," Iolo said, "And he didn't tell anyone where he was going."

"Um, Why are you asking me? What do I know?" Poe found that he did not want to answer.

Snap and Jessika exchanged glances. And the topic changed to new weather data.

As Poe quickly finished and left, he caught them eyeing him every now and then. Their interest and pity was suffocating. Once Ben would convince the authorities that he was Kylo Ren...Poe found he didn't want to be here. He had to get out. At least temporarily. To which planet, he didn't care.

– –

Luckily, an opportunity presented itself with a mid-morning meeting about the new transmission from Finn on Takodana to the top commanders in the Resistance.

"Greetings General Organa," the recording began, and a holo of Finn appeared in the center of the room, "Since arriving to the Senate, we have convinced an extension of peaceful negotiation to twelve former First Order-controlled Sectors."

The attending cheered, and Poe exclaimed "Good going Finn!" even though the transmission was one-way.

"We've also recovered logs from First Order Captain Phasma of people that were reconditioned to becoming Stormtroopers and we're hoping to use it to reconnect former First Order troops with their families."

That got a tremendous applause, but Poe felt his chest leap at the opportunity to get away and find his friends. Finn had to have been wrong in estimating their deaths. He requested an audience with General Organa to transfer to Takodana and join Finn and the others.

– –

The general did not immediately look up when Poe entered her office.

"General Organa," Poe said politely.

She smiled tensely at him, "What's this really about?"

"Finn's transmission mentioned a log of the histories of Stormtroopers before they were brainwashed into working for the First Order. I lost friends that might be listed."

The general's expression turned from suspicion to sympathy. But her eyes remained hard.

"Poe," she said slowly, "Do you feel guilty that you made it out while they did not?"

"No" Poe said, but he knew he was lying, "and this is different. I think I can identify the names of potential fighters--people I know who would gladly help us."

The general sighed, "Very well," and she opened a table on her screen to update Poe's future position.

Poe was about to leave, but the general suddenly spoke up, "Did you know this morning, Ben asked me to be transferred to the New Hosnian Prime to face charges on War Crimes as Kylo Ren?"

"...I tried to stop him," Poe said.

The general's eyebrows rose, but she directed her attention back to the screen. "Well, as long as I can count on you two both not to be wiped out by another planet destroyer weapon, I'm satisfied."

Poe turned to go, but before he opened the door, he paused, "Are you letting Ben go to be persecuted for his crimes?"

"These days, I do not try to control my son," she said curtly.

"It will eventually reflect back to you for hiding him here. Most of the Resistance and our allies know what Ben Solo looks like."

"Of course," she looked at him and smiled sadly, "but I have faith, like Luke, that people will eventually see the good in Ben when he's given the chance. Anyhow, I suspect once New Hosnian Prime realizes how difficult it is to completely remove the First Order--just like how difficult it was to remove the Empire--", at this, her smile became rueful, "They'll realize how short-staffed we are.

"Say hi to Chewbacca for me."

– { ∴ } –

"You are entering New Hosnian Prime landing space. Your path is headed for a pad reserved for Resistance personnel. Please state your name and purpose." A security officer's voice beat through Ben's comm.

"My name is Kylo Ren. I'm here to seek punishment for my crimes." he answered steadily.

The radio buzzed in static, and then went out completely. Ben passed the landing pads because none was specified. As he circled around, the radio came back to life.

"Kylo Ren is dead." It was another voice, but sounded familiar. However, Ben had more important things in his mind.

"After Snoke and the Knights of Ren were defeated, I changed my name to Ben Solo."

"Ben Solo, as in Commander Sol--" The feed was cut, but Ben recognized the voice. It was Commander Karé Kun. One of the pilots Poe had tried to introduce him to so many days ago.

In the corner of his eye, Ben noticed two escort ships come out of the clouds and capture him in their tractor beams. One of the pilots was Kun, and she looked at him carefully as if she was trying to confirm it was him. Ben smiled in grim satisfaction.

Eventually the comm came back on. "Please land in air pad 246-01 for detaining." That pad was far. Away from most of the city.

– –

By the time Ben landed, there was a squad of law enforcers trying to hold back a crowd of protesters who had somehow heard of his arrival. From the protestors' expressions, it wasn't clear if they wanted to tear him to shreds or flee with their lives.

Karé Kun stood closest to him, and reached into Ben's pocket to remove the personal firearm each Resistance fighter carried with them. Another enforcer stood closer to handcuff Ben's hands. Kun pushed Ben through the crowd, but moved to lean into his ear.

"Kylo Ren, huh?"

"Yes." Ben said.

"Does Poe know?"

"Yes."

Karé looked at him in astonishment.

As he went by, a hail of voices began chanting "Planet Killer", "Jedi Slayer", "Child murderer", "Kill him!" A number of people just stared silently at him. Ben could not bring himself look at them.

Suddenly, he sensed a barrage clutter of danger, and a few shouts "Skiikasiii Sa Naha! She has a gun!" caught his attention to some of the protesters drawing out amped blasters and firing them. The enforcers around him scattered, and Kun aimed her blaster at the oncoming missiles.

But Ben didn't want to die. Not yet.

"Get behind me!" He shouted as he moved in front of her, and deflected the blasts aimed at him harmlessly into the ground. Blasts that missed him hit other protesters and enforcers. The individuals carrying the weapons ran off.

In the ensuing chaos, he turned to Kun and the scattered enforcers, and said "Shall we continue?"

Even disarmed and in handcuffs, Kylo Ren was a danger to everyone.

– { × } –

"Finn! Rey!" shouted Poe as he stepped down from his X-Wing to the figures running towards him. He hugged Finn, and half-hugged Rey. He released BB-8, who went to affectionately head-butt the couple, and emitted a whirlwind of happy beeps.

After each had said their greetings, Poe grinned and walked arm and arm with the others back to the reception for Resistance members.

"How is General Leia?" Rey asked.

"The same as ever, although she'll be happy to hear that you're doing well," Poe said.

"What about Ben Solo?" Rey asked.

Poe paused and exchanged looks with Finn. Finn shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't seen him for a bit." Poe said, trying to wave off the question.

"Are you still _seeing_ him?" Rey asked, frowning.

At this, Finn looked alarmed, but Poe didn't care. "I...don't know. He went off to New Hosnian Prime for his crimes as Kylo Ren. I haven't heard anything since he left."

"Hmmmm..." Rey seemed to be considering something, but she wandered away from them to get a drink from Maz Kanata. Poe didn't know if she would be pleased or annoyed by his and Ben's current state of relationship. He didn't want to find out. 

"Finn, in the transmission," he said, changing the subject, "you mentioned a log that contained the real names of Stormtroopers?"

"Wha--oh yeah. I was on it! Did you know that I have a family in Artorias?"

"Oh man, that's great to hear!"

"Yeah, I know!" Behind Finn, Rey's smile looked a bit forced, but Poe found he didn't care.

"Can I search the log too?"

"Of course, Poe. I knew you would." Finn took out a small data drive from his hip pocket. "This should be compatible with Beebee-Ate."

Poe hugged Finn again, and it all he could do from grabbing BB-8 to begin his search.

– –

Four hours later, Poe stumbled into one of the guest rooms. Got up. Placed BB-8 on his bed, and began his search.

It didn't take long to remember his old friends' names.

It took slightly more time to realize that they were all dead.


	4. Guilt

– { ∴ } –

Ben felt the explosion before he heard it.

The cell shook and walls rattled. Emergency alarms went off. Had Darth Vader felt like this in the end? Death a certainty, while clinging to the hope that was the goodness in him? Relief that the one person that loved him would free him from facing justice for the evil he had committed?

Ben was broken out of his thoughts by enforcers opening the door to his cell. Without warning, they roughly prodding him up, and marched him through the halls. He didn't see Kun anywhere as he was moved into the brig of a transport ship. 

"We're taking you to another location--where your _friends_ can't rescue you." The guard shouted, and Ben saw a glimpse of TIE-fighters and X-Wings flitting in and out between the clouds as the brig door shut. The ship rattled, and Ben heard several more explosions go off in the distance but get closer until the brig shuddered and spun.

They were falling. Ben closed his eyes and reached out to the Force.

And the Force answered.

– { × } –

"Poe!"

"Poe, are you awake?"

BB-8 perked up and Poe's head slid off the droid on his lap. His drowsiness disappeared with a start. He was still wearing last night's clothes, and--catching himself in the mirror--he looked terrible: hair a mess, and eyes puffy.

"Yes. I'm awake! Coming, coming!"

He opened the door, allowing Finn and Rey to enter.

"Have you received Karé's transmission from New Hosnian Prime?" Finn asked, putting his hand on Poe's shoulder, while Rey walked up to the holo projector built in the center of the room.

"No...I just woke up. What happened?"

Finn seemed to be looking at Poe's eyes, down at BB-8, and then at Poe's ruffled clothing. "Oh Poe..." he said, realizing, and embracing the other man.

"Hey! I just got the feed," Rey said as the holo projected an image of a grim Karé Kun saying "--the recent capture of Kylo Ren whom we all thought was dead--"

"Capture? He gave himself up!" Poe said, struggling out of Finn's embrace.

"--several First Order ships have attacked the prison. So far, over fifty people have been confirmed dead--"

"What's gone on?" Poe said, impatiently turning to his friends, "Is he alright?" But before they could answer, Karé continued.

"--reports that Kylo Ren attempted to reach out to his would-be rescuers, but was subdued and transported to a secret location while the planet is in lock-down. More First Order star destroyers are expected to block off transmissions in the next few hours. General Leia, New Hosnian Prime desperately needs help!"

Poe turned back and was met with mixture of pity, conflict, and sadness.

Rey spoke first, "You're going to him, aren't you?"

"Of course. Turning himself in...coming here--This whole thing was a mistake."--Poe continued, while absently scratching his arm where the tattoo was--"He's going to get himself killed."

"Leia sent us a transmission earlier this morning that you are not to interfere."

"I don't care." Poe didn't mean to spit at them. He didn't like the pitying look Finn was giving him.

"Poe," Rey said slowly, as if she had been contemplating her next words. She casually rested her hand on the hilt of the lightsaber hanging at her waist. "Ben Solo has done great evil, to you, me, even if influenced by Snoke, many people have died. He killed his father, and innocent Jedi's training under Luke. Why are you getting involved?"

"BECAUSE I HAVE TO!" Poe accidently shouted back. He grabbed his flight jacket and ran from the room.

"Poe! Wait!" He heard Finn yell.

– –

As Poe exited the castle, he was blocked by the wise-being they called Maz Kanata.

"Where are you going?" she asked as he stepped around her.

"To save Ben."

"What about saving Poe?"

"I've faced worst."

"I do not mean saving you from ship cannons or crash landings. I mean saving you from your guilt."

"I have no guilt."

"And yet, you seek any way to save your fallen comrades, even the ones that are dead. Even now, you push away your friends so they will not be as sad by your sacrifice."

The last part was heard by Finn and Rey as they entered the landing area with BB-8 in tow. Poe ignored them and turned back to his ship.

"You're planning on sacrificing yourself?" said Finn, sounding incredulous.

"Don't be ridiculous." said Rey to Poe.

Even BB-8 chirped reproachfully.

Poe took a breath, and then faced the group.

"Marrying your sweetheart, retiring from the Resistance, raising a family, getting a happy ending" Poe said, "Those things don't work." He looked at the space between Finn and Rey, and remembered the face his father made when he was told that his mother had died.

"It's not for me. Being with Ben--neither of us want that. _Could_ want it."

"But Poe, no one wants you to sacrifice yourself!" Rey said. Her voice was accusatory.

"Do they?" Poe said, and he closed his eyes, "So many--so many people--smarter, wiser, braver than me gave up their lives for this cause."

"So you could get that chance to live a normal life--to make sure it wasn't given in vain!" said Maz.

"For want?" Poe was dangerously close to shouting, "I don't see myself as anyone's father! My lovers die in battle! My friends are murdered in front of me or captured and killed! They are the heroes! And I've made mistakes that cost people their lives, and killed people that could have been saved."

His words hung heavy in the air. He scanned the group, trying to avoid Finn's gaze. Maz's magnified eyes were narrowed. Rey fumed. Finn--

"And what about us, Poe?"

Poe stared at him. Finn continued.

"We're your friends. We love you. Don't we matter? Doesn't Ben Solo matter?"

"I--", Poe stumbled.

"When you look at Ben, when you talk about Ben, I know you love him."

Poe's chest hurt. His eyes stung. Was he crying now? In front of them?

Finn took a step forward, and suddenly swept Poe into a tight hug.

"Poe, you have people you care for, and care for you. Please don't do this alone." Finn released him, and clasped a hand on Poe's shoulder. "Let us help you save Ben Solo--together!"

Poe and Rey froze in surprise at this statement.

"What?" Rey said, startled.

"Rey," Finn said, turning to her and taking her hand, "I've done things I'm not proud of and worked with others who've realized what they've done for the First Order is wrong. But I can't dwell on the past, because I have something to live for now."--he gripped her hand--"Please understand."

Rey looked at him carefully, and then rested her head on his shoulder, and hugged him tightly.

"Ok, I'll try," she said quietly.

They slowly separated, still holding hands, and Finn said to Poe, "And you've saved more people than you could possibly hurt. Slips died because of the First Order, not you." 

Poe looked at Finn in relief and fondness. "You knew..." he said.

Finn extended his free hand, and said "We're your friends. Let's save Ben Solo together."

Poe took it. BB-8 whistled happily. And for one beautiful moment, Poe saw a future.

"Just like before?" Poe whispered, his cheeks were wet, but he grinned like a fool.

"Even better."

"Aha!" screamed Maz excitedly and hugged everyone around the waist.

– { ∴ } –

Ben Solo woke up with his head throbbing and in darkness with his hands bound behind him. Landing the ship without seeing his surroundings had taken a lot out of him, but he was fine. Really. Really fine. And sending low-flying TIE-fighters to crash into each other wasn't as easy as catching a falling X-Wing. At that point, the enforcers must have regained some control and knocked him out for everyone's safety.

His face felt heavy and muffled. He was wearing a mask that blocked his vision. What would Master Snoke say? Your attempt to approach the greatness of Darth Vad--

"Aaaaaaeeerg," he groaned more from invoking his old master's name then the pain. He felt around with the Force for the room he was in. It was smaller than the last, and had a metallic echo whenever a surrounding crackle sounded off, as if he were deep within the planet.

Ben settled down to meditate. At least here, no one could be hurt.

"Kylo Ren!" The voice belonged to a guard beyond the door.

Ben ignored them.

"Is it true you're Ben Solo? That you killed your own Father?"

"Watch out, Lofo. This bastard just took out five TIE-fighters by throwing rocks at them."

"You hear those explosions though? Kylo Ren's First Order friends don't actually want to save him. At this rate, we're all going to die. And if I go, I want to going I stood up to evil like this."

Ben tried to ignore them, but each word dug into his mind.

"And he's such a weakling. He killed the other Jedi's because he was afraid they were stronger than him."

"He stood back, and ordered the destruction of the old planets. He's evil incarnate."

"He couldn't even defeat a scavenger from that ditched junk yard planet."

"He's a shame to the Skywalkers, the Resistance, and the Republic."

"Does the Resistance know what he's done?"

"He's living a lie."


	5. Kylo Ren

– { × } –

New Hosnian Prime was located behind several debris and asteroid clusters. The natural defence would prevent it from being destroyed by a beam from a planet-destructor weapon. In theory, anyway. While carefully navigating through the obstacles, Poe attempted to contact the fleet of Resistance ships already there.

"Rapier Five, this is Black Leader, come in!"

There was no response. Poe tried again.

"Jessika Pava, I know you can hear me, answer me! Please!"

"...Poe?"

"I'm joining you on New Hosnian Prime. Why isn't anyone answering my hails?" Poe asked, but he already knew why. Jess ignored the question.

"Poe...Did you know Ben Solo was Kylo Ren?"

"We don't have--."

" _You knew._ "

"--time for that. Jess--!"

"Poe...er...we don't think you should deal with what's going on with Kylo Ren."

"What about General Organa? Is she there?"

"Poe. Just--Go back to the base."

Poe turned off his communications with Pava, and radioed to the others on board the _Millennium Falcon_.

"They're not accepting our help," he said.

"Neither us. But that's not surprising," said Rey, "We should be prepared for whatever we come across."

– { † } –

Kylo Ren heard the rattle of the explosion before the door to his prison was blasted off. He felt the armored grip of the Stormtroopers as they hauled him out into the hallway--where Phasma stood.

"Ben...Solo?" Her voice was dismissive, and she seemed taken aback at his appearance: handcuffed, and wearing a vision-obstructing mask. But Kylo wasn't afraid of anyone, least of all, her.

He reached to the Force, and broke the shackles binding his hands. He then threw the Stormtroopers across the hall. On hitting the wall, the audible cracks of their necks echoed back.

"Kylo Ren," he corrected, and walked pass her to the transport vessel that would take them out of the prison. As he did, he removed his prison mask and carried it under his arm.

Despite the chaos happening around the planet, they remained calm. Neither individual spoke the rest of the way.

– –

On arrival in the Star Destroyer, he found himself in an assembly chamber facing Alia, the new general that had replaced Hux. Behind Alia were several Stormtroopers with their blasters aimed at Kylo Ren. Phasma raised her hand to call them off, but Alia spoke first.

"What happened between you and Supreme Master Snoke?"

Kylo considered the others. "Snoke outgrew his purpose. He no longer emulated the powers of the Dark Side. Or the interests of the First Order. He had to be put down. I simply found it satisfying to bring that weakling Luke and Rey to witness my power."

"And those months where you imitated Ben Solo on that resistance base?"

"All in an effort to get access to their databases of personnel and locations. I will enter that data to our comms and set course to D'Qar, the Ileenium system."

Alia looked like he was trying to hide his surprise. He sneered, "We would have discovered such information eventually. If Phasma hadn't decided to pick you up from New Hosnian Prime, we would be invading a base right now. We don't need you to operate this battle station."

Kylo grinned. Alia had never faced a Force user.

"I think you'll soon find," he said, and Alia started choking, "that you'll want me as an ally rather than an enemy."

Alia looked at him in horror and started digging at his neck. And even Phasma shouted "Stop this at once!"

Kylo did, but only after Alia had fallen to the ground, gasping. It was too easy.

The Stormtroopers around him started chanting "Kylo Ren! Kylo Ren!"

Now all he needed was a lightsaber.

– { × } –

In no time _Black One_ and the _Millennium Falcon_ had cleared the asteroid clusters, and from their vantage point could see three First Order Star Destroyers converging around the south side of New Hosnian Prime with many X-Wings and even more TIE-fighters shooting at one another.

"Where did they all come from?" Poe heard Finn say over the radio, and heard Chewbacca groan.

"Poe!" Rey said, but Poe finished for her.

"We have to help the Resistance fighters," he said.

"That's right." she responded, "We'll find Ben later."

Poe cursed. And then quickly joined the fray. One down, two down. Another TIE exploded on his right side. No. It had been an X-Wing. It was strange not hearing the pilot's last cry before their death.

The _Millennium Falcon_ flew into vision as it narrowly dodged colliding with an incoming star destroyer and a TIE-fighter blast trail.

"Poe?" It was Finn over the radio.

"What?" Poe shouted back. He didn't mean to sound so angry.

"Rey says something's wrong with Ben."

"What's wrong?"

"Poe," this was Rey's voice, but it seemed far away, "Ben isn't on the planet."

"What?" Now Poe was really confused. "Where is he?"

"I can't sense him anymore. But Poe," she paused as if carefully considering her words, "I can sense Kylo Ren on the Star Destroyer."

Poe's blood ran cold. He could no longer focus on the disasters surrounding him.

"No," he said, "That...that can't be."

"Poe--" Rey said urgently.

"I don't believe you."

"Poe--" Rey began, but then Chewbacca shouted and the transmission was cut.

Poe turned wildly and saw the _Millennium Falcon_ being blasted out of the sky by a huge laser cannon on the Star Destroyer.

"NO!" He shouted, firing wildly at First Order ship.

Before his eyes, the badly damaged _Millennium Falcon_ stopped falling and instead was caught in a tractor beam towards one of the shielded landing bays of a Star Destroyer.

"BB-8, can you patch me through to Finn and Rey?" 

BB-8 hooted in the negative, and all Poe heard from the other ship was static. Around him the TIE-fighters started returning to the Star Destroyer. It was preparing to leave the area, as if it had gotten what it wanted. And no one except Poe could know what happened.

Poe looked at the nearest landing bay on the Star Destroyer that faced him.

"BB-8," he said with forced certainty. "We're going to save Rey and Finn...And Ben." And he quickly opened a compartment full of explosive charges.

He paused only to grip the steering controller of _Black One_ for the last time, and prepared for the crash landing.


	6. The Storm

– { † } –

As Kylo Ren ripped off the entrance of the ship that had belonged to Han Solo, giant clouds of poison leaked from the cabin. However, it was harmless to an expert Force user and helmeted Stormtroopers. Kylo Ren sighed dramatically, before slowly compressing the ship.

And then the Jedi girl leapt out. She paused for only a second--taking in his outfit and mask that had been forged from the one he wore in the prison. 

"You, Monster!" she shouted. Just like before.

He tossed a two-ton transport container at her.

"That fool never completed your training," he said. Rey efficiently cut the box in half, took a stance, and ran at him again as he knew she would. "And he's not here to save you now."

The first time he had fought Rey one-on-one he had also been incomplete in his training with Supreme Master Snoke. But now, he allowed her to get close enough before grabbing her wrist, which held her lightsaber.

"He trusted--We all trusted you!" she shouted angrily, trying to get away from his immediate reach, "And Poe...Poe loves you."

"Enough!" he screamed. That name had no effect on Kylo. None. And he froze her body and knocked her out before she could react. Her lightsaber fizzled out and tumbled to the floor.

"Rey!" her companion, the traitorous FN-2187 called out. He fired at Kylo, but it was no effort deflecting the beams, disarming the man of his blaster, and freezing him with that rebel sympathizer Chewbacca. Stormtroopers disarmed them and brought them to Kylo as he stooped down and picked up the lightsaber hilt.

"You bastard," FN-2187 spat. Chewbacca sent him the usual look of disappointment, but Kylo had no interest in either of them. He turned on the laser sword and placed it at neck height in front of the former Stormtrooper.

"You have only yourself to blame," he said to his prisoners.

"So you were Kylo Ren the whole time?"

Kylo turned to the Stormtroopers. "Take them to cell block 9."

"WE TRUSTED YOU!" FN-2187 bellowed as they were dragged away. And Chewbacca howled.

Once the prisoners were out of earshot, a First Order operative approached him tentatively. "Kylo Ren," he said, "A X-Wing landed in the north quad bay 7. The pilot escaped. however, the droid belonging to the Resistance pilot known as Poe Dameron was captured."

"No, it's alright." Kylo said simply. The news didn't upset him. He looked into the glow of the laser sword. "Move FN-2187 to the torture rack. I have what Dameron's looking for."

– { × } –

Ten minutes earlier:

The ship entrance to the Star Destroyer was a flurry of activity as hundreds of TIE-fighters flew into the air-shielded bay. Poe put _Black One_ into an automatic trajectory, setting up a number of timed chargers while adding extra safety walls to BB-8. He then ejected both of them along with parts of the wings to hide their escape.

He landed in an area where several TIE pilots were disembarking from their ships. In the confusion of the exploding X-Wing overhead, he killed one pilot, took the man's outfit, and shoved the body in a landed TIE-fighter next to a charge. It went off with the charges in the ruined X-Wing.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly to the now quite dead pilot whose gear he was wearing.

In the confusion of Stormtroopers and First Order operatives trying to evade the next charges, he found BB-8 and freed it from the remaining pieces of his X-Wing.

BB-8 looked at him, and immediately knew who he was. The clever astromech then maintained a fearful and nervous disposition as he got the attention of another Stormtrooper, and took BB-8 to Phasma. The chaos was dying down.

"We have the droid" the Stormtrooper said, maintaining rank. Poe was glad that he didn't have to speak.

"Good work FM-3125 and PK-2481. Take it to the cell block 8."

Poe nodded and he followed the Stormtrooper, FM-3125. He imagined Phasma's eyes on him as they left the area.

– { † } –

Kylo Ren entered the torture room where FN-2187 was tied to the upright rack. FN-2187 was bruised and bleeding--as if some Stormtroopers had taken it upon themselves to punish the man for his desertion. He was breathing deeply, and eyed Kylo wearily.

"Why--why are you doing this?" FN-2187 asked weakly.

Ben ignored him. He then reached into Finn's mind and made him scream.

The scream echoed the room, and was broadcasted through the halls.

– { × } –

Poe watched BB-8 be moved to a small cell. They looked at each other as FN-3125 closed the cell door.

Suddenly a loud scream of pain echoed throughout the cell block. It was Finn. Poe hesitated, and then jumped as FM-3125 started cheering.

"That traitor FN-2187 had it coming," she said, "Let's go."

Poe did. But once FN-3125 turned the corner, he quietly ran back to where BB-8 was held. His steps were hidden by Finn's continued screams.

The astromech seemed relieved to see him, and it discreetly wheeled over to a wall port and connected to the internal network.

"Where're Rey and Chewbacca?" Poe said urgently, trying to focus on the task despite Finn's screams, "We'll need the others to save Finn." And Ben. Hopefully.

BB-8 informed him of the second cell block and blueprints lit up on the view panel.

Poe was about to leave, but then BB-8 chirped loudly at him. Faces and names of his fellow resistance fighters quickly flashed on the screen. And the viewport stopped on his face and name along the location of his father, and the characters tattooed on his left arm.

"How do they know that?" He asked. Luckily he still wore the TIE pilot's mask. But no one had access to the internal data streams except top Resistance leaders, like General Leia and...

It was quiet. Finn had stopped screaming.

Poe started running.

– –

He found Chewie first.

Apart from the cuffs, the Wookie said he was fine, and was able to quickly move with Poe and BB-8 as they made their way to Rey's cell. Poe did not need to recall the blueprint of the cell block to find her.

"Monsters!" She shouted from behind her bars at the corridor, "You're all monsters."

"Rey, it's me," Poe said, as he opened the cell door, "I'm here with Chewie. Do you know where they've taken Finn?"

"Poe? That's you?"

Chewie growled in greeting as Poe entered the cell. Rey was bound to the wall. She was wearing a clunky helmet that looked like it blocked her eyes and prevented head movement. Her clothes looked rumpled as if she'd been hit many times.

"They took him to the torture block, under Kylo Ren's orders." she said, as Poe and Chewie set up on unbinding her.

"You don't mean--?" Poe said.

"Poe, he's not Ben anymore," she said, "I knew it."

"That not--" Poe started.

"Didn't you hear him torturing Finn? He stole my lightsaber. He's going to destroy the Resistance. We can't take him without help."

Poe couldn't believe it. Once free, Rey jumped down from her bindings and put her hands on his shoulders and continuing.

"Poe. He's done this before--betray people who love him. I was there when he killed Han--his father. I don't want you getting yourself killed. The minute we rescue Finn, we need to get out and warn the Resistance."

Chewie growled his agreement.

BB-8 suddenly chirped out a warning from its spot near a wall port where it stood guard. Stormtroopers were returning with Finn.

"We've got to hide," Poe said.

"No, we don't," said Rey.

She moved to just inside her cell door. When the Stormtroopers came into view dragging an unconscious Finn, she used the Force to yank their blasters away and said determinedly, "You will not harm Finn."

"We will not harm Finn," each repeated.

"You did not see any prisoners escape."

"We did not see any prisoners escape."

"You will drop your weapons and return to your positions."

"We will drop our weapons and return to our positions."

They did. As they left, everyone went to Finn. "Finn?" Rey said quietly, "Can you hear me?"

Finn moaned, but remained unmoving. And Poe saw what his lover had done to his best friend.

"He--Ben--he," Poe said quietly, "When I was looking for you, Beebee-Ate found that Ben had given access codes to the identities and locations of Resistance fighters."

"Then we need to get out of here and warn them." Rey seemed relieved that Poe had apparently sided with her.

Poe helped Chewie gently sling Finn over the Wookie's back. Armed with the Stormtrooper blasters, Rey led the way, followed by BB-8 giving directions, and then Chewie carrying Finn. Poe kept up, while shooting down anyone who tried to creep up behind them.

But Poe knew he wouldn't be leaving the ship with them.


	7. Sacrifice

– { † } –

Pass the mouse droids, the First Order officers and Stormtroopers calling out in panic, Kylo Ren strolled into the docking bay. The prisoners were attempting to steal a TIE-fighter amidst a hail of blaster fire. The wounded ex-Stormtrooper and the droid were already in the vessel. The Wookie and pilot were holding their line, while the girl hurled large equipment at any Stormtrooper who came too close.

He turned on the lightsaber and jumped into the fray.

"It's him!" The girl shouted and threw a whole TIE-fighter ship straight at him. He cut through it with the laser sword, and continued towards them using the blade to deflect the blasts the Wookie shot. The pilot had stopped shooting, and was just staring at him.

Kylo watched as the man dropped his weapon, and then ran towards the Stormtroopers' blaster fire.

"POE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The girl bellowed.

"GO!" Poe shouted back. And Ben saw him get caught in a blaster shot to the side of his chest and fall to the ground. He wasn't moving.

Kylo snarled and signalled the Stormtroopers to stop firing. As he ran towards the fallen man, the TIE-fighter carrying the former prisoners lifted off.

"No!" He shouted, and the Stormtroopers began to fire, but the fleeing vessel was already too far.

He approached the man on the ground, who was clutching his burned side. Ben couldn't tell if Poe was unconscious or in pain. He lifted away the pilot's mask.

"Hi Ben," Poe said, and smiled as if this was how they usually met.

But Kylo Ren knew it was too late. Too late for both of them. He moved a hand over Poe's face, where Poe's expression changed instantly.

"Don't--"

He knocked Poe out.

– { × } –

Whhrrr-wrrrr--

Poe woke up on a cool slab in a darkly lit cell not unlike the ones he had rescued Rey and Chewie from. His hands were bound in front of him. His side stung where he had been hit--hurting in such a way as if his wound had been treated, but only just.

There was a small comforting weight at his hip. Could they have left--

The door panel swiped open, and Phasma entered the cell. She stood over him with her blaster aimed at his chest.

Suddenly, she swung it up, and hit Poe directly where he was shot. He collapsed, grasping his side. His vision swam.

"Bring him with us." She said, after a moment. Two Stormtroopers entered and dragged Poe to his feet. He barely was able to concentrate where they were taking him.

– –

They went through elevators and corridors. Eventually Phasma met up with another general and the two had a private conversation before entering a largely deserted communications room. There was a tall figure that stood facing away from them, looking out to the open space.

"Kylo Ren," the other general said, "Here is the only prisoner that you caught--letting free a captured Jedi, the traitor FN-2187, and the Resistance fighter Chewbacca. No doubt they have already warned the Resistance of your plans. Surely you did not mean to lose such powerful hostages for a mere pilot?"

The figure turned slowly. He was wearing an outfit that would suit Kylo Ren, complete with a mask.

"I think you underestimate the value of Poe Dameron," the voice of Kylo Ren said, "His worth in the Resistance is great. And his own abilities to evade your capture should not lead you to under-evaluate him." The figure spoke this all while walking towards them; he walked almost like Ben did, tall and lanky, but full of the confidence one is afforded as the most powerful being in the room.

Upon reaching their line the figure stopped in front of Poe. Poe could only gaze at Rey's lightsaber dangling from his belt.

"I imagine what witnessing his public decapitation will encourage Resistance fighters to abandon Leia." He gently placed a gloved hand over Poe's neck and let it rest there. Almost gentle.

Poe finally looked up at the mask--a poor replica of the one worn by Kylo Ren.

The general sneered, "And what of his _intimate_ relationship with Ben Solo?"

The hand at Poe's neck tightened slightly.

"I will break him." the mask said.

Poe was lifted up by the hand around his neck, and started choking. Poe looked into the mask where the eyes of Kylo Ren must be, and blacked out.

{ † }

Kylo Ren watched the prisoner collapse to the ground. Phasma prodded the fallen man with her foot, but he didn't get up and instead began to cough loudly.

"You would do this now? As we are about to attack the Ileenium Resistance base?" Alia sneered.

Kylo turned slowly to him, and said "I've been looking forward to this for too long."

After all, Ben only needed to convince Poe that he was really Kylo Ren. And then he would be free.


	8. Reflection

– { † } –

Kylo Ren eyed Poe as he coughed occasionally from his semi-conscious position. Phasma and Alia had gone to plan an attack on the D'Qar Resistance base, but they left two Stormtroopers by the door.

Poe slowly raised himself so that he was no longer lying on the floor and massaged his neck. He turned to look around the room, pausing on the Stormtroopers. As he slowly got to his feet, he moved just slightly away from Kylo.

And then Poe looked at him.

"What's going on, Ben?"

Kylo had to stop it. He reached out with the Force and started choking Poe.

"My name is Kylo Ren," he said.

"No," said Poe, "You...are...Ben Solo--!"

Kylo released Poe to the ground and walked forward until he was nearly on top of the injured man.

"Ben Solo is dead," he said. 

Poe suddenly kicked out at him. Kylo barely felt it, and punched Poe where he had been injured. Poe cried out in pain, hands clutching his side, and squeezed his eyes shut. Slowly, he looked back up at the man over him.

"Is this how it ends, Ben?"

"Yes."

"So all that...you helping us--?"

"All a plan to get access to the Resistance fighters. After we destroy all the bases, we'll target their families and home planets now. And when we catch them, we won't need to mark them." Kylo wretched Poe's arm upwards and ripped his sleeve, exposing the physical ownership of the Galactic Empire.

Poe struggled, and Kylo released him. Poe then slowly crawled backwards away from the cloaked figure, who kept pace. Poe was now hidden from the Stormtroopers' vision, Ben was sure.

"I don't believe it. I _know_ you, Ben." Poe said. He seemed to be attempting to covertly check the item in his pocket. Very good.

"You only enjoyed _fucking_ Ben Solo so you could feel important." The words were easier to say than Kylo had expected.

Poe only looked at him in repulsion and disbelief. "You know that's not true," he said.

"Oh, have you forgotten?" And Kylo lurched forward--placing a hand on Poe's face and tearing into his mind. He hadn't done this since just after killing Lor San Tekka.

Memories of them together were easy to locate in the other man's mind. Talking, flirting, flying, laughing, playing as children, meeting as adults with an enthusiastic Finn and pensive Rey, Ben's head resting on Poe's shoulder as they watched the fireworks, the first night Poe invited Ben to his quarters, Ben groaning and sucking on Poe's fingers, the meetings spent strategizing, the lingering touches, the tender smiles...Each thought he encountered he filled with needles and blades.

He released Poe who collapsed back on the ground, gasping. Ben turned to look out the window to see the Resistance base in view. His vision was blurry, but he could see several TIE-fighters and X-Wings were already in combat.

He ignored the sound of Poe slowly, quietly withdrawing the blaster, and turning off the safety. And waited.

He waited.

He heard the sound of the blaster being tossed to the floor.

He turned to see Poe looking at him.

"No. I won't do it." Poe said simply.

Kylo turned in a rage. He had failed. If Poe wasn't going to kill him, he'd have to make it look like Poe had. He turned on the girl's lightsaber, and ran to the Stormtroopers--cutting them down before they could react. And then the communications equipment, likely recording this now.

Phasma and Alia would know. But no one would kill more to avenge him. Time was running out. He looked at the laser sword and angled it towards himself--

And then a hand was gently placed on his shoulder.

"Before I went to save you," Poe smiled sadly, "my friends told me to stop trying to kill myself."

Kylo blinked, overcome by Poe's absurdity, but before he could say anything, Poe reached up, and gently, slowly, lifted away the mask of Kylo Ren.

Ben couldn't bring himself to stop him.

{ × }

Poe gazed at his friend's face. Ben didn't look angry, maybe a bit worn. His tired eyes had a frantic wild look to them and were transfixed on Poe's. There were light tear-tracks down his face. Poe continued.

"Did you really expect me to shoot you down?"

"I...I..." Ben mumbled.

"Shhh..." Poe said. And he dropped the mask, and placed his hands on Ben's neck. Bringing Ben's face down, he pressed his lips to Ben's cheek.

Ben looked shocked and then, he slumped forward so that his head was leaning on Poe and his arms were around Poe's waist. He then went down to his knees, dropping his head on Poe's shoulder, which had gone down with him.

"Why don't you do it?" Ben whispered.

"Because I understand you," Poe said.

"But, I released the data, I tortured your friends, I set the coordinates to target your home. You're free...to kill me... Why don't you--why don't you _hate_ me?"

"Because I still want us to have a future, together."

Ben slumped even more. He was weeping.

"I understand it, the guilt that you're feeling," Poe said, "Believe me. You won't get over it in an instant."--and he reached around the bigger man to give him a tight hug--"but I'll be there. With you."

They stayed like that as silent explosions outside every now and then rattled the ship.

"We have to get you out," Ben said suddenly, "Alia, Phasma, they'll know something's off."

"We'll both get out," Poe said firmly, and then, "Ben, is it possible to deactivate this ship?"

"Not externally," Ben said, defeated, "but if we re-route the energy core, it should cause an explosion from the inside."

Poe stood up and picked up the discarded blaster before pulling Ben up by his arm. They left the mask of Kylo Ren behind.


	9. Return

– { × } –

Poe stood guard while Ben opened the control panel and redirected the energy core. He didn't hear many sounds of approaching danger until a loud explosion echoed from within the internal machinery.

Poe turned to see Ben standing over the monitor apprehensively.

"Ben, you did it! Let's go."

Ben shook his head. "No, I have to see it through."

Not believing Ben for a second, Poe took the other man's arm. "Enough, Ben! When I said I'd be with you, I meant it. Now come on."

Ben seemed to let himself be dragged away, but he looked longingly back at the corridor when a ball of fire engulfed it.

"Where can we get a ship?" Poe shouted, while efficiently shooting down approaching Stormtroopers.

"East bay," and Ben pointed as Poe dragged him forward.

As they turned the corner, they were surrounded by Stormtroopers with Phasma aiming her blaster directly at Ben's chest. "I thought as much," she said.

Poe knew that there was no way he could shoot them all down.

"Whose side are you on now, Kylo Ren?" said Phasma.

"I'm with him," Ben answered. He was angling himself in from of Poe's body.

"How touching," said Phasma before turning to her troopers and shouting, "Kill them!"

"Ben!" Poe shouted, but Ben had ignited Rey's lightsaber. In no time he deflected the blasts back to the troopers, and was slaying them.

As he rounded on Phasma, she threw her blaster away and said dismissively, "Why'd I even bother?"

Before Ben could react, Poe jumped in between them, "Why not join us?"

"Not everyone can just switch over with their family connections." And then she picked up herself and ran away with the remaining Stormtroopers.

Ben bristled, but Poe put a hand on his shoulder, "We'll see her again."

"I--"

"Ben, we have to go!"

– { ∴ } –

They made it to an Imperial ship, but before Ben got inside, he looked round to explosions around them with First Order operatives running amok to workstations and escape pods.

Within seconds they were out in space as the star destroyer dropped and crash-landed into another. Ben watched them go, and accidently placed his hand on Poe's.

Poe flinched. A look of terror crossed his face.

Ben backed away quickly. He didn't blame Poe. He couldn't blame Poe.

"Ben, we have to tell the Resistance everything you did." Poe said.

Ben nodded.

– –

"Poe Dameron? Is that you?"

The radio buzzed to life, breaking the chilly silence as they made their way into the Resistance base's air space. It was that girl's--Rey--voice.

"Yes Rey, it's me." Poe said in forced cheerfulness.

"Is Kylo Ren with you?"

"Ben Solo is with me. He's here in the cockpit"

There was silence for a long time.

"Ben?" Rey said.

"Y-Yes?" Ben answered.

"Land now."

Poe found an empty landing pad and lowered the imperial vessel. In no time, Finn, Rey, and BB-8 were there with his mother, General Organa. Finn looked weary, and was leaning on Rey for support, while the others looked angry, but calm.

"Oh shit." Poe said, but he got out of the cockpit. Ben followed him.

When they walked up to the group, Rey put out her hand, and Ben obediently gave her back her lightsaber. She pocketed it.

"We're having a meeting this evening," said General Organa, "to go over plans to protect the bases, homes and families. You should attend, Ben."

Ben nodded.

"Alright, well," and the General looked at Rey and Finn, "I can see you need to talk to these people, so when you're done, please come to my office." And she left the group.

When she had gone out of sight, Ben took a step forward, and then bowed and lowered himself to the ground in front of Finn and Rey. They looked at him in surprise.

"I'm sorry. I'm so...sorry," He said while slowly looking up, "I wanted drive you to hate me and kill me. No one else could. I couldn't face...living with who I was, and what I'd done."

Rey's eyes narrowed as she answered, "More people have been put in danger or have died because of your actions. Resistance fighters and pilots," she was looking at Poe. And Ben heard Poe walk up to them.

"Come on," Poe extended a hand to Ben. Ben took it and got up.

Finn and Rey were also looking at Poe, who said, "This cycle of guilt and anger will never end. We just have to accept it, and work to fix the effects. Please just...understand."

At that, Finn ruefully laughed. When he had recovered, he said, "I can't overlook what Ben did to me, and the others that died because of his actions. Neither can you, Poe."--Finn said, and Ben saw Poe's expression become more grey--"But you're right."

"Finn!" Rey said.

"Look, Rey," Finn said, turning to her, "Ben can't be imprisoned lest his First Order 'friends' try to break him out or kill him. It's better if he's here. At least we can keep an eye on him." He was looking at Ben now.

Rey looked at Finn in disbelief, before turning back at Poe and Ben. She then walked up to be directly in front of Ben.

"The day--no--the instant you revert back to Kylo Ren," she said, pointing at him, "I'll be there to cut you down." Her other hand was on the hilt of her lightsaber.

"I--" Ben started, but Poe stepped between them.

"Not after I'm through with him."

"Fine," said Rey. And she turned, took Finn's arm and led him away. BB-8 left as well, while frowning at Poe.

"Thank you," Ben called out to them, and Finn waved back as Rey kept pulling him away.

And then Ben turned to Poe, and slowly, timidly reached out for his hand. "Thank you. For--"

"Don't mention it," Poe said, brushing off Ben's hand. He walked off in the direction of the pilots' common areas. And didn't look back.


	10. What's left unsaid

– { × } –

"All our personal information is now known to the First Order?" Snap Wexley said, repeating what was presented in the emergency town hall that evening.

"Yes," said General Leia. Poe had spent the majority of the meeting trying to keep up. The weight of his fellow pilots' deaths hung on his mind. What was the last thing he had said to Jessika?

Next to him, Ben sat low in his seat.

"And we'll need to change operational bases." General Organa said clearly.

"And what of Kylo Ren?"

Poe was about to speak up, but Rey beat him to it.

"Ben Solo will be working to help the Resistance and the new Jedi temple." That had been decided earlier.

"So he's not going to face trial for his actions?"

"Because that worked so well before?" Poe interrupted.

"You," Snap jerked a finger at Poe, "Stay out of this."

"When the Galactic Empire fell, I thought we could prevent another Imperial group from overtaking the government, but that proved no easy task." said General Organa, "Ben is my son, but I hope we can count on the abilities he offers as service to the Resistance as penance for his actions."

"I will," Ben spoke up suddenly, "I will spend the rest of my life undoing what I did as Kylo Ren."

Snap huffed away and a number of Resistance members left with him. The meeting largely dispersed with the remainder organizing the next actions and discussing how it had gone. Ben resumed a hunched position.

"I hope that, over time, they will forgive him too," General Organa said to Poe. 

"They will," said Poe, although he wasn't sure.

{ ∴ }

The attendees left to meet with other technical operatives and organize a protective action for the Resistance fighters and their families. Every now and then Ben tried to gain eye contact with Poe who was talking to a few of the pilots.

Then his mother was at his side. She put an arm around his shoulder.

"Maz Kanata and Luke want to meet with you and Poe, and make sure you're both recovering."

"I know," Ben nodded, "Thank you." He could barely bring himself to look at her.

He turned to where Poe was still talking, and now, waving good-bye to his friends. Some other of pilots--Ben recognized them from the party so many lifetimes ago--lingered by the exit. They hadn't spoken to Poe. One of them, Karé Kun, saw him looking, and waved slowly.

"I'm proud of you," said his mother.

"Why?"

"Because you're accepting help."

– –

In the middle of the night, Ben Solo knocked on the door of Poe's private quarters. Poe opened it, dressed in a lighter version of his fatigues. He looked tired, but not surprised.

Ben caught himself staring at the tattoo that just peeked under Poe's shirt sleeve. He would never forget that it was there.

Poe crossed his arms. Ben faltered.

"Can I stay with you?" Ben asked the uneven spot where the door connected with the ground.

When Poe didn't say anything, Ben turned to look up at the other man's face. But Poe had already taken his hand, and was leading him inside. Poe gently guided Ben to lie down on his bed, and Ben did, edging aside to make space. Once settled next to Ben, Poe tenderly reached up to his face.

They stayed that way for a few moments before Ben slowly turned and kissed Poe's hand, and then slumped back in exhaustion.

– { × } –

Poe woke up very warm. Ben was resting against his back. Ben's arms were under Poe's shirt, wrapped around his chest, just above his blaster wound.

Poe adjusted his own hands so they were interlocking Ben's, and felt Ben gently press his lips into Poe's hair.

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Constructive Criticism at any point is much welcomed, because this my first fanfic, and I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. If you're interested in what I'm up to (hint: probably reading other people's fanfics and recommending them), hit me up at [angryqueenengineer on tumblr](http://angryqueenengineer.tumblr.com).
> 
> This fic is something I imagine might be compatible with how I currently interpret canon will finish: Kylo Ren eventually reverting from the Dark Side. I wanted to write him as if Darth Vader had survived Episode 6, and exist as the clips shipping fans would skip to in an hypothetical Ep. 10--the whole of which that would focus on Rey and Finn's subsequent adventures.
> 
> This story has a number of likely influences: the usual Poe/Ben tropes (for the inevitable “Poe talks to Leia about Ben” scene) , [This Thing of Darkness I Acknowledge Mine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6263998/chapters/14352292) by imperatrixxx, SW:TFA fan theories (Finn is from Artorias, Poe doesn’t realize he killed Slips), concept art (there was definitely one where some force user is tossing boulders at approaching ships), the Rogue One teaser trailer (being on the Resistance as a normal human sucks).
> 
> This was originally made for [The Ben x Poe Fic Exchange](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/knightpilotexchange) with the prompt by [Misty_Endings](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Misty_Endings/pseuds/Misty_Endings):
>
>> "One of our guys has or gets a tattoo, which the other comes to discover. Of what and where and how the other feels about and reacts to it is completely up to you, as long as the tattoo has meaning, which all good tattoos should have. (Max rating can be E)"


End file.
